So last night I was having serious premenstrual cramping and then I remembered - that's how I felt the first time! Since I didn't even remember that, how could it be psychosomatic? I was positive there was a lil bun in the oven.
Today though, no cramping, not too exhausted, nothing really to speak of. A bit nauseous, but now it definitely could be me making things up so I'm not putting stock into anything.
I need a positive test result.
I was SO excited yesterday, that it almost made me nervous, so I took a step back to consider, "Am I happy for me? Or for Kira and Scott? Am I really looking at this baby as mine, or as theirs?" And I was pleased to realize that I don't want my own baby right now -- I want to do it on my timeline that has a few years between now and motherhood. I was genuinely happy to be able to give Kira and Scott what I know is the most important gift they will ever get.
In other news, I told my friend Shannon today about this surrogacy endeavor and her response was perfect: "Talk about thinking outside of the box." I nearly choked on my hazelnut latte, I was laughing so hard. Then for the rest of the afternoon, I regretted that latte as my body seemed determined to reject it.
I'm preemptively grateful that I have a boyfriend who will love me even when I burp.
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